Your partner knows your phone PIN. What can you keep private?

Many couples know each other’s phone PIN. It is handy: they answer a call, check a map, pass along a photo. Then one day you wish a few things were just yours: a gift you’re planning, a private diary, a medical result you aren’t ready to talk about.

This is about ordinary privacy in a relationship. It isn’t about proving anyone has done something wrong. If something feels unsafe, see the note at the end.

What to do now

Decide what you actually want. Wanting to share your phone and wanting a few private things can both be true. Be clear with yourself about which items you mean, and why.

Talk about it plainly, and early. “I’m happy for you to use my phone, and I’d like a few things to stay private, like you probably do too” is hard to take as an accusation. Choose a calm time, not mid-argument. You can offer the same in return.

Agree on how the phone is used. Some pairs decide that the phone is open for calls, maps and photos of the two of you, and that messages and apps are not. Others share everything. There is no correct answer. What matters is that both of you agree and nobody feels watched.

Pick a phone PIN that is yours when you want it to be. A PIN you chose and told someone is fine to keep. If you’d like a different one, change it in the phone’s security settings. Avoid birthdays and anniversaries, which are the first things anyone tries.

Give private things their own lock. Photos and files can live somewhere that has a different code from your phone. Then sharing the phone PIN doesn’t share them.

Tidy the places that leak. Lock screen notification previews, a shared cloud account, a photo library synced to a family account and a shared computer can all show things you meant to keep apart. See which apps can see your photos.

What doesn’t help

• A secret change of PIN with no conversation. It can feel like a betrayal, and the discussion you skipped tends to come back.
• Hiding things in a folder that opens with your phone PIN. If someone knows the PIN, they know where to look.
• Checking their phone in return. It rarely settles anything.
• Using an easy-to-guess PIN because it’s quick. The same few numbers are tried first.

Where a vault helps

Silo is a separate app with its own lock. It opens with a PIN of six or more digits, or a passphrase on Pro, and you can add face or fingerprint unlock. If your phone PIN and your Silo PIN are different, knowing one doesn’t give someone the other. Everything inside is encrypted on your phone, and Silo can lock at once when you leave it and covers its contents in the app switcher. Silo is an ordinary app, so this is a second lock, not a disguise.

Choose a Silo PIN you won’t give away. And keep your recovery phrase somewhere that isn’t the same photo library or notes app a partner might browse, because the phrase opens the vault.

If you feel unsafe

If you feel watched, controlled or afraid, that is different from wanting privacy. Read keeping evidence of harassment, which has help lines and advice on using a safer device.